TGIF Weekly Newsletter – Kelsey With Some Jo

Thoughts

Gathered

Five

September “Blog-In” Challenge: New TGIF post every Saturday through the end of the year. I’ll share experiences, thoughts, quotes, struggles and more for each day of the week.

Please subscribe and let me know your thoughts below!

TGIF pt. 2….. Next week! 🙂

Monday

I almost didn’t choose confidence, or courage for that matter.

I said to myself, She was put in my life for a reason, I want to honor that and find out why.

This is how I think sometimes about people. Well actually pretty much every time—lol.

I made a friend through a “string of random events.” By string of random events, of course I mean, divinely orchestrated.

After talking with her for a couple of minutes (and extremely grateful for the water bottle I brought with me to keep my hands busy), I felt a surge of relief pass over me.

I hugged myself inside. I was so glad I decided to show up.

It also helped being unexpectedly surprised by one of her youngest of four.

Curious as toddlers are, at first he started off crafting from playdough in the kitchen. Then he slowly made his way into the living room, where his mother and I were talking.

At one point I stopped talking and turned to him with a smile,

“I like your Ninjas Turtles t-shirt. I love Ninjas Turtles.”

I guess something about Ninja Turtles was a green light in toddler talk?

There were summersaults, shy stares, and happy smiles. Yet, the whole time his mom and I talked, he didn’t interrupt. He didn’t scream or whine. It truly impressed me how alive the Spirit of Christ was in this child.

With that and the encouragement his mother gave me, I learned it takes courage to sit with someone willing to disciple me and truly wanting to be my friend, and even more to share about my weaknesses and struggles.

But there is beauty and strength in connection. There is power in community and God is in the details.

“Confidence doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. It means you do it scared.

Confidence doesn’t mean you’re always right. It means you tell them when you’re wrong.

Confidence doesn’t mean you avoid mistakes. It means you embrace them.”

– Jefferson Fisher

Thank you to my husband for sharing this quote with me! ❤

Tuesday

There was a loud boom last night that woke me up in the wee hours of the morning.

I could hear the rain outside and figured it was thunder, but this wasn’t any normal thunder. The sound cracked through the walls of our bedroom and shook the entire room.

Once I drifted back to sleep, I found myself having a weird dream, but nothing out of the ordinary for a dream. I’ve gotten used to the randomness and people in my dreams.

This one involved being in a cave with a group of people and we were looking for some tree-like man (he looked just like the guy who captures Drasa in the movie “The Gorge” 😂 —if you know, you know).

Weird dream.

Except it took a turn in a way I had never experienced dreaming before.

A voice came to me in the dream, it was all around me like an echo but not overbearing.

It said, “Come with me?”

And I said, “Yes,” not audibly, but somehow I said it.

Then I was above the earth, and someone was next to me, a presence. There wasn’t a form or face I could make out. I could liken it to a cloud.

Then we (me and this presence) slingshotted out far…it was like going through the pages in a book, as we passed through bright and brilliant galaxies and utter nothingness.

By the time we had travelled what felt like two seconds, I lost count of the hundreds of galaxies we had travelled through.

When I woke up, the presence of God was so thick in the room. It was all around me and inside me bubbling over like a fresh spring.

My heart was overwhelmed with joy, wonder, awe, love, and excitement.

I was taken aback by this experience. It wasn’t until I journaled about it the next morning that I had the strongest impression the presence in my dream was Jesus. Once that was impressed on me, I was pretty much just a puddle of thankful tears to God.

I wasn’t only thankful for the encounter with Him, but I was grateful (so grateful) for the reminder to live with an eternal perspective.

There are worries and troubles in this world that can derail my perspective and hopeful outlook toward the future. However, when I remember God always has been and always will be—that eternity is knit into the fabric of my soul—so many things no longer carry the same weight. So many things.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.”

‭‭- Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3‬:‭11‬ ‭(ESV‬‬)

While the world is constantly redefining who we should be by telling us what is this or that, success or failure, popular or unpopular, worthy of pursuit or a waste of time, I’m reminded God’s word never changes. I’m reminded time is never ending. And most of all, I’m reminded the pressures to be something this world wants me to be, has no value.

“Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away.”

‭‭- Matthew‬ ‭24‬:‭35‬ ‭(KJV‬‬)

I’ve heard what we focus on expands.

If my focus is what this world wants me to be, I might die with a big expansion of worldly treasures, prestige, and fame, but will I have loved?

Will I have loved God with all my heart, soul, and mind?

Will I have loved my enemies and blessed the ones who cursed me and hated me?

Will I have gave something away that I valued to bless someone else, on more than one occasion?

Will I have spent my thoughts and words on life and light?

Will I have used my mind to create and give something back to others, or have used it for my own consumption of selfish ambition and pleasure?

Will I have spoken words that uplift and encourage, or words that belittle and cut down?

Who I’m called by God to be can’t be measured in material things, status, or influence… He sees my heart and when it’s yielded to Him, I can live a life of love!

The one thing that I can take with me when I die, the character of my heart and the love I gave that continues to ripple across the fabric of time, long after I’m gone.

That’s a pretty cool reminder.

Wednesday

Today I found myself reflecting on my walk with God.

Being true to God, and remembering the place of selfishness and sin He called me out of—and continues to call me out of—is far better than being true to myself, the world, or other people.

I can’t say I’ve never at some point failed someone, given up on someone, and/or felt negative emotions contrary to love toward someone—such as hate, envy, or lust.

But really, can anyone else?

The only person who comes to my mind is Jesus. Tempted as a man, but being the Son of God, he knew no sin. Jesus was fully man and fully God.

God sent him, and Jesus chose, to go like a lamb to the slaughter, in order that we might be healed and forgiven. Redeemed and rescued.

God never fails us, never forsakes or abandons us, and loves us endlessly.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

‭‭- Deuteronomy‬ ‭31‬:‭6‬ ‭(ESV‬‬)

“God’s love endures forever” is repeated 26 times in the book of Psalms alone.

Even if I can’t comprehend love enduring forever, at least I can see the blackness around the night stars and ask myself, if the blackness was to “end,” what would be left?

Nothing?

Eternity?

A black hole?

I can’t comprehend eternity, but it’s inside me. Something in me knows it.

So why not believe “God’s love endures forever?” Is it really so hard to believe?

Yes, it is so hard to believe.

Because hate is constantly stirring us up to keep us from the outpouring of God’s love.

“Hatred stirreth up strifes: But love covereth all sins.”

– Proverbs‬ ‭10‬:‭12‬ ‭(KJV‬‬)

I believe I’m forgiven and set free!

But sometimes praying is hard. It helps me to be more aware of the Spirit of Christ alive in me, when I open my heart to scripture and then pray.

Even if that means—crying, yelling, awkwardly stumbling over my words, not having any words, getting distracted on my phone, not actually saying what’s on my mind or heart—God loves me.

God loves us.

He wants to hear our prayers, our heart cries.

I get that more and more each day.

“You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.”

– Amy Carmichael

Thursday

The garden of my heart needs pruning constantly. It’s a nightmare sometimes! And it keeps me busy.

Even though I’m growing, I still have days where I find a few weeds or thorns and am harder on myself than I should be.

Or I find poison hidden under a bush somewhere and slip into it. Those are the times God’s Word is my medicine.

His Word tells me I’m not the poison or the symptoms. It tells me I’m His, and it destroys the poison and all that came when it touched me. Most of all though, His Word restores my heart.

Other days I see the growth, sort of (again being hard on myself lol).

Either way, I trust the process.

That good fruit!

Even when thoughts come to convince me I’m unworthy of His love or undeserving, my belief about my worth doesn’t change the truth about my worth.

The truth is, God created me for a purpose on purpose. There are no mistakes.

Yes, I can dwell on the evil people “God created,” but really He didn’t create them that way. He created them in His image, which is Love.

I really believe that. But do they?

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

– Genesis‬ ‭1‬:‭27‬ ‭(ESV‬‬)

It is evil that strives to perpetuate evil.

Love does not rejoice in wrongdoing or injustice. Love rejoices in the truth.

I’ve included the full chapter below from 1 Corinthians on God’s definition of love as it’s read from the Amplified Bible Translation.

Please read it:

If there areas in your life you desire to be more impactful for love.

You’re struggling to forgive someone, or maybe something you swore you’d never forgive yourself for.

You feel like giving up or are spinning around in circles searching for purpose in your life.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 (AMP):

“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love [for others growing out of God’s love for me], then I have become only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal [just an annoying distraction].

And if I have the gift of prophecy [and speak a new message from God to the people], and understand all mysteries, and [possess] all knowledge; and if I have all [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but do not have love [reaching out to others], I am nothing.

If I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it does me no good at all.

Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant.

It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail].

Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].

Love never fails [it never fades nor ends]. But as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for the gift of special knowledge, it will pass away.

For we know in part, and we prophesy in part [for our knowledge is fragmentary and incomplete].

But when that which is complete and perfect comes, that which is incomplete and partial will pass away.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

For now [in this time of imperfection] we see in a mirror dimly [a blurred reflection, a riddle, an enigma], but then [when the time of perfection comes we will see reality] face to face. Now I know in part [just in fragments], but then I will know fully, just as I have been fully known [by God].

And now there remain: faith [abiding trust in God and His promises], hope [confident expectation of eternal salvation], love [unselfish love for others growing out of God’s love for me], these three [the choicest graces]; but the greatest of these is love.”

Friday

This morning was rough. It sucks to end my gathered thoughts with a rough start to the day, but I learned something in it.

After throwing up due to a known side effect of the medications I’m taking, and known by me very well, I realized I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Right there. Face in the toilet and all.

After the nausea passed, I had a wave of calm wash over me. For the first time in my life, amidst being in a horrible situation, I was actually putting my foot down and saying,

No more! No more wallowing in self-doubt or false believing. No more sitting back and letting this thing take over your life. No more corners, no more idle days. No more living from seeing myself as sick, but rather from seeing myself as healed. I’ve got this and God’s got me.

Once I cleaned the mess I made and showered, I went to start journaling and came across something beautifully written by a beautiful soul.

It was like it was left there for me. For some reason my page was open here where I had left it, likely I had been scanning notes from the day before. It was like the beam of light started to tear open the ceiling and flood out every nook and cranny of darkness.

“Suffering is relative. Nobody can ever tell somebody else, I have suffered more than you. It’s personal. Jesus suffered once for all so we can look to Him and be one in His story and suffering.”

– A Beautiful Soul (italics added)

That then brought me to a Bible passage I had read earlier in the week…

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

– 2 Corinthians‬ ‭4‬:‭16‬-‭18‬ ‭(ESV‬‬)

Sometimes my health can take a drastic turn for the worst—in the last few months that has been near almost everyday.

For me it’s not just physical, but mental, which makes it even more of a rollercoaster.

“If you think investing in yourself is expensive, try the cost of standing still.”

– Heather Maietta

It’s only been since a couple of weeks ago I started the climb to regain my health. I set out on a path to recover from any damage to my mind, heart, or body that had been caused in the past few months.

Almost like I had a massive debt to pay and it was to myself.

It started when I quit my job of four years.

I gave notice almost a month ago and it’s not until recently that I have actually allowed that reality to sink in and pass over me.

I knew completely in my heart I needed to resign. The work had become unsustainable for my health recovery. Relationships I had built were being diminished, or even jeopardized. I felt like I couldn’t show up for my team and they deserved better.

It was a horrible place to be, but it wouldn’t have been so if it weren’t for the impact the company, the team, the people had on me and my life.

Working there changed me and shaped me into a consistent, hard working, team playing machine (lol not really a machine, but some days would flow so automatic I might as well have been). That’s how much I loved everything I did at my job and with the people I was privileged to work alongside of.

Walking away was like a dagger to the heart, but also a step toward stopping the bleeding in other places.

“Like phoenixes rising from the ashes, they [leaders] emerge from adversity stronger, more confident in themselves and their purpose, and more committed to their work.

Such transformative events are called crucibles—a sever test or trial. Crucibles are intense, often traumatic—and always unplanned.”

– Warren G. Bennis and Robert J. Thomas

I keep asking myself,

What are the crucibles I’ve experienced in my life, that forced me to question my identity or what mattered in my life? How can I make those experiences continue to impact me today and tomorrow for good?

God meets us where we’re at.

Without that, I’m not sure where I’d be if anywhere. And I’ve seen Him meet me so many times in my life, at so many different places.

God met me where I was at 4 years ago, and a month ago when I took a huge risk on myself, I believe He’ll keep meeting me there tomorrow and years from now…

And by His grace even into eternity.

Thoughts Gathered In Five 😉

Thanks for reading!