Kelsey With Some Jo

I changed my life

I changed above

I changed below

Beneath the sun

I captured light

I let it run

I chose a life

Beneath the sun

I let it run

I let it run

When the sun become

Undone

I kissed its feet

I let it run

I chose a life

Beneath the sun

I let it run

I let it run

Say what you want

You can hate me

I’ll carry that weight

Of hate

Because you ain’t* me

And it gots me

Like I got

The grit

That it comes with

Say what you want

You can hate me

I’m just getting

Started

Like I had a baby

Not full of hate

But beside me

It’s my ride or die

What’s inside me

I know what I got

Hate can’t find me

And it gots me

Like I got

The love

That’s beside me

*Ain’t ain’t a word and you ain’t supposed to say it, say ain’t five times and you ain’t goin to heaven. ❤

To be shot

Would beat this phase

Only it’s not

What I intended

My mind

Gave up

It was

Unintended

So here I am

With words

I can spin with

I’m not alone

I’m just learning patience

And forgiveness

Like solitary

Was a weakness

I thought I knew what I was saying.

Like I could feel my words

Falling into your lap.

And everything I’d think

Or say to you

Would tell you

How I really feel.

But when my thoughts

Became words

To leave me

Somehow they left

You as an enemy.

I only said what

Was inside of me

And you denied it

And said

My words

Lie to me.

My emotions

Were never present

When I spoke

And still

Whatever I was saying

Found you

To leave you wounded

And bruised

And naked.

And my thoughts

Feeling mistaken

Broke and left me

Like I knew what I was saying.

Something has snapped inside me. It’s like I’m not afraid anymore, but angry. It’s like I have a firestone piercing my heart. It’s like I’m finally ready. When people reject and shut you out so many times you reach a breaking point. I’m okay with silence and I’m okay with talking. But I’m not worried anymore about what to choose or who I am. I’m focused and sure this time of what I’m doing. People lose a lot in life. People lose people. People lose children. People lose libido. People lose money. People lose their minds. It’s only when you lose something you gain something back. I’ve lost a lot but I’ve never lost something for nothing. So when I think of my past I’m sure of my future. With all that loss behind me I know I have everything to gain. It’s not a fresh start I’m after. It’s not power. It’s not revenge. Because it’s not even a fresh start. It’s just the start. The start of something where fear doesn’t exist. The start of truth. And yeah I be in my feelings.

I look different to them

You see it in my thighs

But I’m white

Only my thoughts

Are black

And my heart

Is black

When I’m left alone

In the dark

And my space attacks

My mind to see

The truth in the culture

And my loss

In submissive lies.

I take my passive aggression

And I bite your session

Into a lesson

On my black confession.