Is Anyone Loyal to Purpose Anymore?

OH how I love TD Jakes.

My whole frame is shaking as I type these words…why has it been so long?

It seems I only write when my passion MEETS pain. It’s when we choose to overcome intense emotions of passion and pain we begin to experience purpose.

TD Jakes says, “Great passion and great pain are the wonder twins of purpose. You cannot have great passion without great pain.”

I walk swiftly and purposefully. Every step I take from my heel to my toe screams with energy.

I can’t deny my doubts and fears. Sometimes when I’m running down the stairs in the mornings to catch the train, some strange thought rushes through my mind as I watch them fall behind me one after the other. The thought goes,

Hey, imagine if you slipped right now and shattered your face on the cement? You’re going so fast, one wrong step and you just might ruin everything.

An image of myself falling with my backpack dragging me to the brutal force of the sharp edged steps emerges. I shake my head and think,

Now that would be a disaster.

When I’m almost to the bottom of the steps the thought screams louder,

HEY, REALLY YOU’RE GOING TO BREAK YOUR NECK! 

I roll my eyes,

Come on, don’t be ridiculous. YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE YOURSELF FALL.

Down the steps and I’m nearly running to the heavy door at the end of the hall. I push it open with might and a loud breathe. The sky is brilliant. I take it all in. The sun sneaking up behind the East mountains, preparing the switchboard with anticipation. The clouds’ shadows stretching out freely with static jubilance. The air humming sweet melodies to prepare the tune of a new day.

The air plays the music,

The clouds dance the song,

The sun lights the stage–

We are the audience. 

When I get to the station, the regular eyes of strangers find mine. I wonder if they notice the performance. Sometimes I smile and think a thought to them (if that’s even a real thing),

Do you see it, too? The masterpiece of this new day?

I think they hear me. The responses are mixed,

YES! Aren’t you glad we got here early to watch it begin?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU HAPPY ABOUT? Don’t smile at me.

Sorry, what did you say? I don’t have the time…

I’m too sad to watch another performance. I’m too lonely. it’s just the same dance, the same song, the same stage.

What are we supposed to be watching again?

The train arrives and the passengers crowd inside. Everyone’s staring at the same glass pane, but few look out the window.


Is anyone loyal to purpose anymore?


What was that thing you always wanted to do? The thing that when you did it your thoughts screamed, “Hey slow down you might fall?” The thing that made you uncomfortable, but caused you pain when you didn’t do it?

Keep going and burst through the door! Leave your fears behind you.  My friend, the performance is about to begin and you don’t want to miss it. Who knows, someday you might be the one passing out tickets or saving a front row seat for someone else.

Consider this quote by Marianne Williamson,

“You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

With nothing but Love,

Kelsey With Some Jo ❤

Check out TD Jakes Motivational Speech, “Passion & Pain” for more!

 

 

 

 

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Legacy

He stared forward. Unbroken focus and serious eyes meant I had better listen.

UNFORGETABLE would be his next words. 

The conversation felt more vital to my existence than air. 

Become a legend and leave a legacy.

That’s all that consumed my thoughts at one point in my life. 

Now restore swirled around, above, below, and within my heart. 

What need I restore anyway? I didn’t know. I only knew something need to be brought back to a better state. 

His question broke the air, 

“Are you prepared to die for it?”

The question hung in the air like a bird soaring toward a tumultuous wave of water.

The bird broke through the water, grabbed its prey and soared forward–a majestic and graceful victory. 

“Yes.”

I said slowly with a pounding heart.

His response caught me off guard,

“Okay. Good. I’m just making sure you know where you are going.

I know where I am going.

Embrace the discomfort, I thought.

Embrace it and let goD. 

“I look at these young men and women and I confess the tears trickle down my cheeks and I bow in humble praise to God that He kept me from walking away from a calling that at times was painful and frustrating.”

– Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 

Carousel

I’m convinced it’s the initial take off that excites a carousel rider. You wait patiently for your turn in line, maybe eaves drop on the conversation of the person in front of you, then when they make eye contact you turn away quickly and pretend to be staring off in to the distance. Sometimes you even make faces at the little baby behind you when the mom is looking away. If you’re me, you count the number of times the carousel goes ’round before the worker let’s on the next group. Yet, it seems the anticipation of anticipation is what makes the carousel keep spinning round and round, isn’t that why we choose to wait in line?


One day the line vanished and she walked passed the gate and sat down on the Carousel.

No direction–

No need for anyone to tell her where to go or what to do, except of course the Carousel.

The sun shined bright in the sky and her heart expanded as the Carousel made its first round. The closer to the top, the more she could see, but even the passing highs couldn’t stop the lows from snatching her from the view. She let it carry her on and on, she chose to stay put and not to get off. She started out her ride by counting the rounds, but after a while didn’t pay any mind. She trusted the Carousel, even when her over-sized heart beat at the top with suspense. She smiled at the possibility of the Carousel trapping her and even welcomed the anxiety mixed with fear. The idea made the ride more life-like and the realness of uncertainty made her certain, after all…

She trusted the Carousel.


“The Heavenly Father does not ask for golden vessels. He does not ask for silver vessels. God asks for yielded vessels – those who will submit their will to the will of the Father. And the greatest human attainment in all the world is for a life to be so surrendered to Him that the name of God Almighty will be glorified through that life.” – Kathryn Kuhlman


Yield your vessel, trust the Carousel.

With Love,

Kelsey With Some Jo ❤

Amble

She didn’t seem to really care what the rest were doing. The rest who made shades of color become grey in comparison to her walk down Main. She walked. She sang. She laughed and shook out all the insensible thoughts plaguing her soul. Confidence in the unseen is all it takes to experience the promenade of a new life. Soft “hallelujahs” and “thank yous” escaped between her pink smiling lips without thought or reason. One would’ve seen such a vessel and never thought twice that her life had been nothing less of limitless.

Yet, her amble walk only came as a result of where she had come. She once sunk back in to a shadowed corner of her very own prison cell. Who would’ve thought such a beauty could’ve been in a place like that? But that was yesterday, not today. Today she sang praises glorifying her liberator’s name. And tomorrow she would do the same. Tomorrow she would show up at the prisons of others and whisper the secret of liberation. His love would set them free—as it had her! And like a stone rolling down a hill, gaining momentum as it goes, so would this girl’s testimony. Rolling and rolling…faster and faster…

“Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink: thou wouldst have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.” – John 4:10

Kelsey With Some Jo ❤

 

Untitled

I knew the package came from her and I knew what was inside.

I sat with furniture and suitcases tightly packed around me. The only space being my own little corner where I could easily shift in to gear and steer the wheel to my new home. I wanted to tear open the package. Pour out its contents on to my lap. Read the letter I knew was waiting for me inside. Discover the unpredictable treasures of what I knew would be articles of clothing or trinkets she found at some time of day, in some random place…All manifestations of her thoughts of me. Gifts speak truth to the love harbored by the brokenhearted for the brokenhearted. She loved me unconditionally and I had chosen to let her go.

The way the manila envelope felt in my hands sent my heart in to my throat and the heaviness of nausea and stillness consumed me for a brief moment. My blood felt cold and my heart seemed to be the only part of me still moving forward through time. I listened to it thud loudly against my chest and in an instant the package laid unopened on the floor. Without thought, my limbs did what they needed to bring the car to life.

I was behind the wheel driving the car, but someone else was breathing strength in to my limp body. I had become increasingly familiar with this fresh breathe of air over the past few weeks, each new breathe had grown larger than the one before. Once again, He came to my rescue. Right there in that moment. There He was.

He now steers my wheel.

And with that thought I pushed down on the gas. His peace warmed my blood, the nausea dissipated, and the car moved forward with a smile…

 

“Can You Endure the Silence?

Of walking out your faith before God, who does not always speak to your insecurities? Sometimes God says nothing at moments of tremendous insecurity. He does not talk just to make you feel good. He will speak to you at pivotal moments in your life.” – T.D. Jakes

 

With Love,

Kelsey With Some Jo ❤

First Friday

First Friday of my life.

First Friday to end this lie.

First Friday to let God take the prize.

First Friday without my strength.

First Friday

To know where I came.

 

First Friday of my life.

First Friday unafraid.

First Friday to surrender my disgrace.

First Friday without what I will.

First Friday

To walk while He tells.

 

First Friday of my life.

First Friday, no more pain.

First Friday to kiss His face.

First Friday without broken faith.

First Friday

I’ll take what He gave.

 

Kelsey With Some Jo ❤

Hidden Dome: The Soul of Durham

Anticipation leaked under cool blue skies

And feet crunched fallen leaves.

Roads whined sweet tunes of time

And age freed leaning trees.

What to make

Of this place not known;

This hidden dome—

Where nature says, “Move slow.”

 

People passing people with each step

And some stop to chatter.

Arms linking arms to keep warm

And some break for laughter.

Who are they?

These strange strangers?

The souls of this painted picture?

 

Destination reached under darkened skies

And mouths kissed mugs and glasses.

Taxis blurred through city lights

And chips lifted drunken masses.

What to make

Of this place not known;

This hidden dome—

Where evening says, “Let go.”

 

People passing people with each step

And some stop to chatter.

Arms linking arms to keep warm

And some break for laughter.

Who are they?

These strange strangers?

The souls of this painted picture?

————————————————————————–

I wrote the poem above as an ode to Durham, England where I once had the privilege to live. The moments I spent venturing through the city shops or jogging along River Wear made me feel I belonged among the carefully placed paint strokes compromising the scenic landscape. Not only does Durham lend truth to the idea of a tight knit community, but the community itself afforded me with an opportunity to meet English locals and some of the most intelligent people from around the world (some being English locals).

During the day, students of all cultures and backgrounds would intermingle up and down the cobblestone streets. The level of anticipation they shared to take part in lectures, and countless hours spent in the library researching their various topics of study, infected the air and you would find yourself beginning to wonder what you’d been doing with your life! The pure beauty of lush green fields and colorful leaves reflected the glory of autumn in to the winding rivers. The worn stone buildings stood strong with rich ivy leaves curling around the window frames. The bridges carried its travelers from Durham Cathedral and Durham Castle to homes lining the curvy streets. Years and years of rain and wind blackened the bridges’ ledges and green moss peaked through their cement foundations—all to remind you of the first forward thinking minds who crossed the same rivers centuries ago; the first to commit to challenging the known and discovering the unknown.

During the weekend nights, locals grouped together in pubs, dance clubs, and fish & chip shops (to soak up the alcohol of course–which is why I say “chips lifted drunken masses”). Students huddled together on weekend nights to enjoy a couple drinks as well. However, most students were spotted on weekday evenings around Durham’s City Centre. Wednesdays, for example, were considered “sports night.” The institution’s sport’s teams crowded in buses to compete in Badminton, Cricket, Fencing, Lacrosse, Hockey, and other common sports played throughout the U.K. Win or lose, the teams headed straight from their buses, courts, and fields to buy a pint (or five).

Begging the question, “Who are they? These strange strangers? The souls of this painted picture?” represented my quest to connect with strangers of a new country at that time in my life. My curiosity toward the differences marked by the students’ and locals’ upbringings, and how these differences contributed to the painting of Durham, England, posed more weight on the idea of “soul” then it ever had before. “Soul” took on a double ant antra. Like myself, all beings I encountered in Durham contained souls. They were full of life! Yet, all the souls found throughout the city today and once long ago, gave the city its own unforgettable identity. The souls created the soul of Durham City! Despite the beauty of the scenery and the history of the city, without the people there would not be a heart to the body of such a glorious place. Nor a painter, to apply its paint strokes.

Thank you for reading!

With love,

Kelsey With Some Jo ❤